Missing jeitinho

I am having a serious case of the missings.  What am I missing?  Jeitinho!  Jeitinho, if you do no know already, is a sassy Brazilian way of bending laws, rules, and boundaries.  While it's not always the best thing for a government, it's pretty awesome using it day to day.

You see, I'm in the US, the consumer capital of the world.  I would like to buy things. Normally, that is not a problem, unless you want something you need a prescription for.

I, myself, would like to stock up on contacts. I can save a pretty penny buying them here. I basically get 4 boxes for the price of 1 back in Brazil. Awesome! So, I talked to my Brazilian Optometrist and got him to write my Rx out exactly like Americans do. Everything was perfect.

That was, until, I spoke with 1800 Contacts. It appears that the contacts prescribed for my right eye are discontinued.  No, they can not switch it to another brand. No they do not want my money.

Helly! Jeitinho? Switch it. What's the big deal!  I even went into Walmart and asked there. They were going to just switch it but the computer wouldn't let them add my doctor. Again, Jeitinho! I don't know about them, but when I worked in sales, I made the sales happen.  Get creative. Put a local number.  Mess with the address a bit.

Of course my All American family reminds me they could get in trouble for doing that. Why?  Because I'm going to get high off my contacts? Oh no, wait, it was an excuse to charge me $200 for another check up, just to make sure they could switch to an equivalent.

Youuuu Whoooo, I'm the buyer here.  My Doctor isn't the one who should decide the brand, I should. I should be able to switch based on saving a dollar or getting a free sticker if I want.  It's like prescription and generic.

Oh well. 1800 Contacts, you can kiss your $100 goodbye.  I'm taking me, my crappy eyes, and my Brazilian Rx to a small local Optometrist and see if I can Americanize the jeitinho and get me some cheap contacts.

My Little Card Shark

My son has turned into a card shark. I don't know if I should be proud of him or embarrassed. It is nice that he has a potential source of income and is only 4 years old. 

Here's how it is. He loves himself a good game of Uno or War.  He will explain all the rules to you, down to how you can not use a Draw 4 if you have any of the color being played in your hand.  He is honest.  That is, unless you let him "shuffle"

He stacks the deck.  The little booger stacks the deck and looks at you, with his big green eyes, and exclaims "Look, I shuffled all by myself!" 

You really don't want to squash their spirit so you go with it.  That is, until, you realize that every time he "shuffles" he gets 3 wilds and a couple of draw 2s.  In War, it's aces and Kings.

So the card shark is no longer allowed to shuffle.

Just wait until we introduce Monopoly.  He's SO NOT going to be the banker!

Watch out Popular Girls!

I've decided I'm not taking this winter/travel bulge lying down, sideways, or upside any longer!  It has gotten completely out of control.

That being said, I know you expats are rooting for me to enjoy my time here, including indulging in everything we people abroad miss.  And you know what, if this were a subject in High School, I'd be the freaking' Valedictorian!  Not exaggerating.  I look as if I'm 4 months along with my 4th child.  And for your information, I am not.  My Mother insists that it's impossible to gain weight so quickly and I must be ovulating in a freakish manner or something.

Have I mentioned I love my Mother?

Well, sadly, no 4 ovaries or anything in this body.  It comes down to consuming about 10,000 calories, 8,000 of which being fat and sugar, each day.  Combine this with lowering my calorie expenditure from... let's just say a lot to just about nothing.  Only so much you can burn hiding out from the cold.

I decided I needed to balance things out a bit.  That's when I found my Dad's old jump rope.  I used to be on the jump rope team in High school.  Wait, did I just write that out loud?  Well, it's true. I was obviously that popular.

Anyway, I'm going to start jumping rope! Actually, I already did. My parents have an unfinished, yet still heated, basement that we have been using as our "outdoor" facility.  Two days ago I started to jump rope in the evenings.

I lasted 10 minutes the first day.

I was too sore the second day.

I lasted 15 minutes the third day.

I'm really out of shape!

But I figure, slow and steady win the race in the child's book section, why not in the fat burning one? Oh, and I forgot to mention the walking lunges.  Yeah baby, this girl is going to have a firm, flat American ass when I get back to Rio.   And we all know they go super well with muffin tops.

Watch out popular girls, I'll be back to 3rd string understudy shape before you know it!

A Little Piece of Heaven

I had a little piece of heaven this evening.

I took over my parent's bathroom and filled up their soaking tub.  It's deep, long, and with a nice arched back for comfort.  I almost moved into it. Hell, it's almost half the size of my apartment in Rio.

Anyway,  I filled it with almost scolding hot water. You know, the kind of hot that you have to enter into in increments. A foot, the second foot, knees, half a thigh, and so on and so forth until you finally sink in up to your neck.  The only thing peeking out are you hands, to hold your book of course, and your head. Sorry, I've yet to master underwater reading. I'll be sure to let you know when I do.

And everything soaked away. Worries, life, tension, and time.  I swear, a hot bath, a good book, and quality bath salts are the best therapy.  Of course, this is only enjoyable in cold weather. The colder the better.  There is nothing more enjoyable then getting into a soaking tub after spending the entire day just slightly chilled under all your layers of clothes... well, that is except for getting into one with that special someone.  

Now I'm in my snowflake fleece jammies, to entice the husband of course, and smell of flowers from lands I may never travel.  I'm relaxed enough to fall asleep in front of the computer and am looking forward to curling up in a fluffy chair with a fluffier blanket next to the fire.

In Rio, this would be torture, like sitting in a jacuzzi in the depths of hell.

And that just makes it all the more special. That and I know I get to go back home to the heat eventually.

Brazilians a part of Obama's stimulus package?

Here's a crazy idea, let the Brazilians come and fix the US economy.  Here's how the plan goes.

The US government creates a lottery for middle class Brazilians. The prize is a free round trip ticket to a "surprise" city.  It has to be middle class Brazilians because upper class has money and poverty level don't.  This plan needs those with enough money.  Hang in there, I'll explain.

So you give them the free ticket to a predetermined city.  That city will be one that is suffering a bit with this economic crisis but is big enough to have some tourist points, a target, a Best Buy, Gap, and a decent sized shopping center with an array of shops to choose from.

The thing is, if you bring the Brazilian, they will shop.  The prices in the US in comparison with Brazil are stupidly low.  Add in that they won the ticket and they will go nuts! The ticket price plus what they would have spent anyway will go straight into the US market.

I figure 1000 Brazilians will inflate our economy like an freshly workout-ed Carioca Bottom.

Just look at my husband.  The t-shirts he purchased alone could clothe half of Rio de Janeiro.  But they were only $2 to $5!  Times that buy a 100 and that's where we get you. Watch out China, we're getting sneaky up here.