Friday, January 14, 2011

I need your help! What Should I do?

I have hit the last 13 or so days of my vacation home and my guesstimate weight gain total is about 25 lbs (11.4 kilos).

Houston, we have a problem.

I'm no ok with this. I'm fine with some weight fluctuation but it's not ok to be a little disgusted of yourself in the mirror.  Hey, in my defense, I didn't know I was this vain either.

The thing is, I went head first into food upon my arrival. I had no idea that my metabolism had gotten the memo that I had turned 30 and had given birth to two babies.  There you go underestimating... or overestimating, your body again Rachel.

And while I'm doing "The Firm" videos quasi daily, which I am as embarrassed to admit as you are to read, it is not working.  Sadly, my DVD did not come with a lipo vacuum attachment.  Now that would help you firm, not the side step and the samba for 40 minutes.

Oh the insanity of it all. I'd be fine if I were staying here where the season allows for Moo Moo sweaters to be cool under the right circumstance, but I'm not.  I'm going home to Rio de Janeiro where I will have to wear a bikini.  I think my stomach is going to eat it... God forbid, maybe even my ass.

So what to do?

That is where you guys come in! In my full dramatic way, I want you to decide what to do and I want you to be honest with me. None of this, oh I'm sure you look great load of crap.  What would you do if you were feeling like I do now?

The options I give are:

1.  Say Fuck it, pardon my French.  I'm already screwed might as well eat as much as possible, even though I don't really want to eat that much at this point because I have been eating as much as possible.  Phewww, long one.

2.  Keep up the 80s video jazzercise and eat a smidgen better.  Upon arriving home, good diet and an active lifestyle will make your body return eventually.  Maybe once the boys are back in school, you can even join pilates once again.  FYI: this is very balanced, sound, and middle ground. I am none of the above. I am rash, irrational, and indecisive. I don't know if I can stick to this one, no matter how sane it may be.

3.  Do the Master Cleanse, but for 7 days max... maybe just 5.  Yes, I'm a gluten for punishment but seriously, not looking forward to this one. The weird potion you drink, no food, and all that.  Makes me nervous.  And I know I will gain back the majority that I lose. But I will say, the 3 days I managed to do the other cleanse gave me a great jump start.  I figure, if I can get the extra frontal baggage off, at least 50%, I can do the other half sanely.

4.  Spontaneously thought of idea by you.  This is the thing that popped into your head while reading 1 through 3.

Now, I know you think I've made up my mind but, once again, refer to the second to last sentence of option 2.  Indecisive to the core.

So you tell me, honestly, if you were me, what would you do? You are a bit out of control right now with your eating, you are not craving any food from here in particular at this point, you are a bit disgusted with the girth, and are totally irrational.

By the way, I also am aware that while I put on weight, it's not that big of a deal. I know I'm being a big poor sport about the whole thing. Just a little whine with my wine.  But seriously, I hate feeling this way about myself.  Such a little pity party and it's starting to get me down.

So, what's the verdict?


  1. As the former general manager of a gym I can honestly tell you (also from experience as I myself lost 60 lbs) 80-90% of losing weight is diet (unfortunately). You should def keep up the exercise ( at least 30 min a day) and you should eat veg with every meal. In fact 1/2 your plate shoul be veg, 1/3 protein and 1/3 complex carb like whole wheat rice.

    But still eat what you like! Just don't go crazy. The crazy days were fun and now you're payin for it ;)
    You can do it. It's way easier here.

  2. See if you can get a tapeworm. Don't they sell those in Brazilian pharmacies? Option 2 would be the master cleanse for immediate results followed with diet and exercise. I bet you look great though. Your husband is going to love a little extra junk in the trunk.

  3. Master cleanse detox or Juice Festival... will be quick, just like Morgan said --then get back on track in Rio. It's happens most of us (after our mid twenties), who are not born with supermodel genetics. Careful with Master cleanse, if you stopping pooping that's bad. I think a Juice festival might be less aggressive on the body. I don't support the master cleanse, I think it's really rough on the body. But there are lots of detoxes out there, just do some internet research.

  4. Nina, but then I'd have to buy a juicer as I don't have one here... And Linds, I'm doing that (kind of)... A tapeworm sounds great Morgan but it's a bitch to get rid of them. Kind of like a rockstar boyfriend. Easy enough to find, hard enough to bail.

    If I did the master cleanse, I'd do the laxative cleanse they recommend with it. gag gag gag poop! Again, why I asked you all to make the decision.

  5. As a life-long dieter I would remind you that every calorie counts, so if you keep eating for the next 13 days like you have been, it will just make the process longer to get back to normal. Cut where you can. Resist or reduce where you can. You will thank yourself later.

    Eat more fiber in all its forms.

    Check Craig's List for a juicer. It's one of those things people buy and use for a month then put on Craig's List.

    When you get back -- lay off the açai and misto quench breakfasts! ;-)

    But then, you know how well I've followed my own advice...

  6. I say f$%^ it until you get back to Rio. Then when you try to pull on your shorts, that don't fit you, you will be sent into a work out obsession. Then while you are working out you will see everyone looking good in their summer gear which will propel you further into the obsession. Keep in mind this will only last until you fit back into said shorts. Then the job will be done and you can go on living your life.

  7. Why not ask the hubby to pay for some lipo for ya when you're back in Rio, the land of plastic surgery?? Tell him it's the only way you'll be able to truly enjoy your trip home. :)

    Or, you can do what my mother-in-law loves to tell me: Feche a boca. ;op

  8. Yeah, closing the mouth is good advice. And Jim, that's pretty sound too. Sara, I hear you but what am I going to wear until I fit the shorts?! I may have to buy a Brazilian Grandma Moo moo! ahhhhh ;)

  9. I'm in the same boat after weeks of enjoying the holidays (=drinking entirely too much), being downright lazy and the lack of any free time to get in any serious exercise while my son is on summer vacay. Can't wait until Feb. to get back on track. As far as the diet side, the thing that makes the biggest difference is NO alcohol and when I get hungry, low sodium vegetable soup, carrot sticks, a little cottage chesse or an apple. Boring but after a week (coupled with exercise) it makes a big difference. Being back in Rio you're going to have so little temptation and lots of motivation so don't worry! I bet you will erase any damage within a week or two. You always look super thin and fit to me so I bet it's not as bad as you think = )

  10. As the daughter of a dietitian, I concur with Lindsey! I would love to be funny and advise you on eating things to make you sick and puke up half your weight but when it comes down to it its the annoying old saying 'exercise regularly and try and eat healthy.' If you restrict yourself through some crazy diet (not saying the above diet advisers are crazy) it will all come back to bite your ass later by plumping it up! When you start a routine it sometimes takes many months for it to actually show which is why people give up so easily and look for the "quick fix." Hang in there and see this is a long road to happy-with-your-body-again-Rachel. The hardest part is to maintain healthy habits and avoid becoming discouraged. Get some motivation? I hang hot girl pictures around sometimes to remind my lazy ass to go for a run!

    Man, my momma would be proud =) You just have to stick with it!!

  11. well you could take to a blender and just use veggie and fruits that work well in a blender. I going on a fruit festival on monday. I shouldn't say festival it's not a festival. How can you do the master cleanse in Brazil, are you bring maple syrup?????????

  12. Eat whatever you want, it's all about portion control! Look at the French...they have a very rich diet but relatively small portions.

    My mom always used to tell me that the 20th bite tastes just like the 1st, so take just a few bites and put the rest aside (or save for later).

    Takes a lot of will power, but in my humble experience portion control is a hell of a lot easier than an aggressive exercise regimen.

    Moderate exercise + portion control will get you back to where you'd like to be.

    I'm sure that the frigid North American winter and all the comfort food have made it easy to accumulate some unwanted pounds. But I bet that as soon as you're back in your own element in Rio (where it's too damn hot to binge anyway), you'll be back to the old Rachel in no time.

  13. Rent a concept 2 rower. 4000m a day. You will shrink faster than you'd believe.

  14. Get the Biggest Loser Cardio Max joke. It's fun and you don't feel bad about yourself because everyone doing the video needs to lose weight and are huffing and puffing in the background. It's awesome.

  15. You need to change your lifestyle, anything else is just time or money thrown out the window. Don't put your goal at loosing weight, that will come on its own. Do something which is addictive, like running, swimming, dancing, etc. I am a runner, so I recommend you to start training and do inscription for the Rio Marathon, which is is in July, if you are completely out of shape, start just walking every day a couple of miles, increase distance and speed VERY slowly over the next weeks, in six months you will be able to finish a marathon, you will have a dreamlike body and a natural shift to healthier food and little / less alcohol will have happened, you will see ...

  16. I have The Firm and I like it ok enough.

    I like the idea of training for a marathon. I do have a issue with running. My hips start bothering me after a while. But it is something to think about. Maybe slow and steady and icing will work.

  17. Triathlon :-) it's shrinking me fast and the bike and swims are low impact.

  18. It's so so very boring but eating a bit less, and exercising a bit more is the way to go. BORING, but effective. May the force be with you Rachel :-)

  19. Yes, I do believe that is what I'm doing now. Boring but, in time, will work well. I have starting snacking agin. Food is just so good and I'm going to miss a lot of it!

  20. Let me preface this by saying I have lost and maintained a nearly 40lb weight loss through eating and working out. I've completed a half marathon, run 20 miles weekly and have done numerous workout DVD's...including the original Biggest Loser DVD and even Jillian's separate workout DVD's. I don't say this to toot my own horn, but to give you a gauge as to how someone who's in good shape views this DVD.