Monday, January 3, 2011

A Salt Cleanse: The Beginning and the End

Today will be the start of another mini-cleanse.  Nina is doing the sea salt cleanse and I decided I would go ahead and try it.  No, I do not have a love for diarrhea but I do like a good easy way out. 

Yes, I am also well aware that there are no easy ways out.  I feel this is another kick off. Let's just be honest, I've eaten as much in 4 weeks as a family in small town China eats in a year.  And no, I'm not a China hater nor exaggerating. 

While I am not obsessed with my form, I am aware that I will be returning to Rio de Janeiro, mid summer. While I can't, or am possibly unwilling, to correct my currect Casper like skin color, I can help my bloat. 

I will not go back to Rio in the peak of summer looking like an albino, over-stuffed turkey.  Not going to happen. 

While the 'If you vomit, wait and try to drink mixture again' in the instructions threw me for a loop, I decided, hell, why not.  If I throw up, I won't swallow anymore.  Get your minds out of the gutter!

By the way, totally almost throwing up over here.  Still holding my own though.  If I had an affinity for vomiting, I wouldn't need a cleanse anyway.  Ohhh, so wrong!

Anyway, the goal is to stop eating like I will be dying tomorrow.  So I'm nursing my 3rd 500 ml glass of tepid sea salt water. Jealous much! I'm thinking I will not make it to two liters. I know I should really try, stomach ma...

And the cleanse has begun.

That was fast.  I'm thinking, this was fun. It was really nice to meet you salt cleanse.  It's not you, it's me.  I think I got confused and was looking for something in the wrong place.  No, no, please don't call. I will not be answering.

Apparently a couple of trips to the bathroom resets my brain. Doesn't this flush require you to drink a ridiculously large amount of sodium. Sure, your body doesn't absorb it and you poop it out. Sounds nice in theory.

And won't the bloat just come back when I drink a glass of water?  Ok, I'm going to continue to poop this stuff out because, let's face it, I have no other option.  Tomorrow will be the start to a new day and, not surprisingly, a saltless one.

I think we all learned a little something here. First, Rachel will try just about anything once.  2nd, sea salt flushes (aka Diarrhea diets) are not fun.  3rd. I like to eat.

Do with that information what you will.  As for me, I'm going back to the bathroom.


  1. add a couple drops of soy sauce and the mixture actually tastes good. And it gets better after a couple of days. Anyways, I am more interested in the gallbladder cleanse on the same website. That stops all the bloating the stomach area and that sucker is dirty. Your actually suppose to do the salt water cleanse hand-in-hand with the master cleanse. I don't think you can do the master cleanse in Brazil. You need grade A maple syrup. I would recommend consulting a natural doctor for the master cleanse, it can make you really sick.

  2. I had a couple of friends do the master cleanse. I hear it's a really shady thing to do. They both swear by it. I have other friends say it's dangerous. I think I will stick to trying to eat healthier and attempt to find exercise with two kids running around.

  3. When I lived in San Francisco and needed to squeeze into my Gay Pride Parade jeans I would go to Chinatown and buy some Chinese Diet Tea.

    Talk about diarrhea! I could never venture a bus ride within several hours of drinking that stuff.

    Good luck - and be careful!

  4. Its not a safe diet, it dehydrates you. You might look better but youer not doing your body any good

  5. Yeah, I'm going to go with... gag... exercise and eating "healthy". At least my definition of healthy is much looser than most. Seeing that I consume SO much crap here, I just have to cut out most of it and BAM healthy.

  6. i hate drinking salt water! the liver cleanse is the most disgusting thing ever and i do not recommend it. i like the master cleanse cuz the stuff tastes good. definitely a short term temporary way to shed the spare tire.