10 Tips to learning a New Language and Surviving it Mentally

Thanks for the image: http://lynmidnight.blogspot.com

Today's blog post is part of a language learning moms blog carnival.  These posts are written by moms, for moms and are intended to be a great resource of encouragement, advice, tips and ideas for language learning moms.  If you're a mom or if you know a mom who is a language learner or who would like to be a language learner, please enjoy this post, share it with others and visit the other participating bloggers via the links at the bottom of this post.


Learning a new language as an adult can be a bitch, add in kids and there is a whole new level holy crap. When do you have the time? I have a *fill in the blank language* house because my children need to speak it too. I only speak in *blank* with my husband because that is how we met. And so on and so forth.

Here are my tips for learning a new language and surviving the process. I am no expert, I have merely gone through it myself.

1. Accept Small Victories. The mini-celebration I had when I managed to order my first pizza over the phone, all by myself I may add, was ridiculous. It was a Monday. I called everyone I knew. Some even came over to eat the pizza with me. The fact that it was such a simple day to day thing is what made it a huge deal. What do we normally use our language skills for anyway? I hardly discuss that Pulitzer prize I should have won by now for my fabulous blog. Nope, I order pizza over the phone. Practical win.

2. Be patient with yourself. Beating yourself up will only make you more emotionally unattractive, it will not make you learn a language faster. Breath.

3. Carry a small notebook and pen with you. Sure you look like a dork writing down that new phrase the newsstand man said but you will now be able to memorize it. My first year here I carried a small pad of paper and wrote down verbs, phrases, words, and the correct pronunciation of things I was saying incorrectly. People will correct you or say something in passing that isn't anything to them but is an entirely new sentence to you.

4. Go out on your own. I know it can be scary at times but do it. Bring the kids! Kids are a great opener for meeting other Moms and initiating friendships with local Mommies. If you are constantly with another person who speaks your native language or that and the language you are trying to learn, you will never be forced to use what you know and/or learn new stuff. It's like at the gym. The only way you improve is by pushing yourself.

5. Get comfortable inside your head. You will be put in many "local" situations where that is the only place you can retreat into when all the language learning gets to be too much. Make it a nice place to visit and enjoy that time.

6. Find local friends that don't speak your native language. This one will take time but is well worth it. They will have the patience to let you stumble through it and you will gain a new friend with a fresh perspective.

7. Don't worry if you can't seem to quite be yourself yet in your second language. 6 years of being here and I am only just now starting to be able to joke like Rachel in Portuguese. Certain things like humor don't literally translate. You essentially have to find your identity in the other language and it will be one that parallels perfectly with yours in your language. Go with it.

8. Don't be scared, disappointed, or too frustrated. Give it time, it'll happen.

9. When in doubt, smile.

10. When all else fails remember that one day you will speak the language well enough to use your foreigner ignorance label for evil instead of good. Take the situation in which my couch was delivered past the allowed time of our condominium. When confronted by the doorman I claimed foreigner ignorance. I'm American we don't have these rule. Is there any way they could let it slide just this once since I really didn't know? They did. It is always nice to have a secret get out of jail free card. By the way, before you feel guilty about using it, you will have earned it by the time you get there!

Thanks for reading and be sure and stop by these other great posts:

• Language Learning Mom Blog Carnival at The Crazy Baby Mama
• Learning Spanish Language: McMom's Happy Meal at Your Language Guide
• Motherhood & Language Learning: An Attempt to Reach the Lower Level of Babel at Multilingual Living
• The Story of How It Worked For Me: One Mom’s Journey at The Everyday Language Learner
• Language Learning Carnival at Sahm Sisters
• 7 Tips to Learn a New Language as a Mom at Early Languages
• The Lazy Expat Mom's Guide to Language Learning at I Was An Expat Wife

What to Remember When Raising Bilingual Children

So The Menace started out well with speaking English to my parents. The first day they got here, my almost 3 year old used all of his weak English vocabulary mixed in with Portuguese when needed. Come the second day he was over it.

I tried.  I told him "Menace, we have to speak in English to Grandma and Grandpa because they don't speak Portuguese."

All I got in reply: "NO, Portuguese."

Well, it seems that my little "bilingual" man is stating his preference for the time being. It doesn't bother me as 1. I know he'll end up speaking both and 2. I know that this kind of thing is normal. It may just be karma for Chatterbox's language choices. At 3 yrs old, when he finally picked up English fluently during a visit to the US, The Chatterbox declared his love for all things English. While Portuguese was his first spoken language, he refused to speak it to anyone in Brazil who he realized spoke a spattering of English.

It's just a fact of life that you have to accept a few things when raising bilingual children:

1. They will have a language preference. It will change many times but at any given point they will feel more comfortable talking in one or the other. Sometimes it comes down to feeling more comfortable talking about a certain subject in a certain language. For example, Chatterbox prefers talking about soccer in Portuguese

2. Sometimes bilingual children will have language delays. Sometimes they won't. Chatterbox was a bit of a late talker and the Menace was a very late talker. Both never stop now that they have started. On the other hand, I have friends whose kids spoke both languages at the same time as the "unilingual" kids. Be patient. Each child is different.

3. There will be language mixing. Do you really expect your child to be able to separate the two at a young age? Their little brains are alike a bowl of 2 servings alphabet soup. You try to sort that out without mixing a bit.

4. Ignore the "warnings" that two languages are too much for a little guy to learn. That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard and I heard it every single freaking day after the Chatterbox was born and I insisted on only speaking with him in English. They do not get confused, it does not harm them, and it is actually very good for them. Only when Chatterbox, at 3 years old, started speaking both languages fluently did the family admit that it was ok to do. Now they brag about how Mr. Rant and I were so smart in raising their grandchild bilingual.

5. Even if they do not reply to you in the language you are speaking, keep speaking to them in it. Both my boys completely understood English before actually speaking it. One day it literally clicked and they started busting out phrases in English, both after being stimulated by immersion in new English speaking situations (ie. visiting my parents or my parents visiting us).

What tips or questions do you have?

I Did it!

People, I did it. I went into that classroom and read a book in Portuguese to a group of 4 and 5 yr olds. And you know what, I did pretty damn good!

Of course Chatterbox started trying to correct my correct pronunciation. I almost pushed him out of the reading circle by his forehead but I felt that may be frowned upon. Seriously though, I did have to give him the Mommy look and whisper a "That's enough now." Smart boy though. No better time to totally mock Mom's language skills than in front of a group of people who are all watching her.

All and all it went well. The kids had moments of massive laughter and also a page or two of not too impressed. Overall the kids seemed to enjoy the book. I mean, how could this age group not like a story about Martians' love of underwear.

After reading I also managed to get them all riled up with an impromptu game of "Let's copy every movement Rachel makes." I noticed a girl copying me while her friends watched so I obviously started doing ridiculous things. Before I knew it I had the entire class jumping up and down like frogs and trying to pat their heads while rubbing their stomach. I freaking love this age!

Let's hope tomorrow's reading in The Menace's class goes just as well. 

Moments: Raising Bilingual Kids

Raising bilingual kids in another country has some interesting moments. This week at my sons' school is literature week.

They read a ton of different books and encourage parents to come in to tell a story or read a favorite from their library.

The thing is, though, I am not fluent in Portuguese. Having children who are fluent in a different language will quickly point out how unfluent you are. Case in point would be a friend of my son's reaction to me saying "It is fun" in Portuguese. He frowned and declared that I speak funny therefore he does not understand me.

Considering all this I am pretty stoked to be scheduled to read a children's book in Portuguese tomorrow for my son's class. It is a book that we have been reading every other day for about 2 weeks so I feel I have it down. Of course my audience speaks Rachel...

So in a way my sons have brought me back to adolescence but not in the way I thought. I thought that I would be reliving mine via their uncomfortable moments. I never expected to be reliving mine through more of my own uncomfortable moments. Not fair. I really must have karmically crapped on someone important in a past life.

On a side note, reading out loud makes me nervous. Got to love how children make you push your own limits. 

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Bilingual Children

My 4 yr old, the Chatterbox, has declared his love for the Portuguese language. I initially thought that it was a good thing seeing that he had left his "native" language and has favored English since 3.

Well times are a changing because he also declared that he does not want to speak English anymore. It was adorable to see him assert himself like that. But like a true Mother looking out for his best interest, I became the first woman to stomp on his dreams.

At least I was kind enough to explain. I told him that he would forget his English. I reminded him that Grandma and Poppi, as well as Uncles Pat, Terry, and Jeremy do not speak Portuguese. He relented but was positive that he would not forget English. It is such a simple language. I think all my past English students felt a tickle up their spines at that very moment.

His reasoning was that Portuguese has MUCH better words! It is so much more fun to speak in Portuguese. I really can appreciate that. Portuguese is a very colorful language. I'm also glad that him and his Brother won't have my late in life experience in learning this "colorful" language. You see, Portuguese has a lot of great words, conjugations, and expressions. It is especially fun to talk shit with. Of course, to learn it in your 20s makes it less fun and more of a bitch.

Actually, more like being bitch slapped by some evil bitch. Yes, that was my first impression of the language. Thankfully we have gotten to know each other better, gone out for a couple of drinks, enjoyed a few bases, and now are on speaking terms.

Of course, we must remember, this is Portuguese. That Ho could turn on me at any moment! I'm starting to understand why Chatterbox is throwing her a bone.
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This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

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The Joys of Bilingual Children

All us Moms end up doing school projects with our kids. It's part of the package, right? Well, mine today was a little different.

You see, my 4 yr old is learning about the ocean and everything in it. He picked 2 sea creatures for us to do research on. Of course he comes back with the Portuguese name and then translates it to English for me. FYI, not always a smooth translation.

That's when we get into verbal charades. It includes a lot of hand movements, some sighs (from both of us), and him drawing pictures to help me out. From there we find the animal (an Anglerfish that the teacher called a Vampire fish). Of course we have to find photos and fun facts. That starts translation number two.

And you know what, I half-assed my kid's project and busted out Google Translate. Well, it's not entirely half-assed but more like I lack under the sea vocabulary. Why we don't talk more about algae and random fish species at dinner parties and playdates is beyond me.

So I throw it in there and then correct the obvious translation mistakes.

In some ways I find the entire process unfair. While other Moms can focus on the artsy fun part, I have to actually worry about context. Does it make sense? Is that really how you say that? Is it only me that finds conjugation of Portuguese verbs cruel and unusual punishment?

Honestly, I doubt the teacher even notices. Who would have the time with a classroom of 16 cracked-out 4 year olds?!