Web MD Gave Me Cancer

Photo by: http://cellaphonic.blogspot.com/2010/12/tale-of-giant-hive-monster.html

I worry about my health in a way I never did when I didn't have kids. It's as if I am overly aware of my own mortality. I can't help it.

The idea of something happening to me while my kids are small is my biggest fear! I get choked up just thinking about it. Losing your Mommy at any age is difficult. That and I selfishly want to be here forever just to see every single moment in their little lives.

So all this is making me a bit of a hypochondriac. I'm exhausted beyond belief, as any Mother is, and part of me starts to wonder if I have cancer. I take longer to get over illnesses, I have heart palpitations, and I get winded easily. Of course this can all be easily explained:

Longer to get over illnesses: I hardly ever sleep and eating right is a day by day battle. That and I am getting older plus have two kids and a husband whose needs normally come first.

Heart Palpitations: Well if I am getting myself all stressed out about cancer than my anxiety level may be a bit high.

Winded easily: This one is simply called a lack of cardio. I used to be in such good shape. Key there: Used to be! Of course I could nip that in the butt with a little effort but the whole exhausted thing along with the family thing gives lack of motivation an unfair advantage over motivation.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not that person that sits on the computer looking over Web MD all day. I keep it occasional as dying from a heart attack in front of the computer while reading about heart attacks is just way to cliche for this girl.

Do any of you other Mothers ever think about this stuff? Do you ever wonder if your lack of self care is going to bite you and your family in the ass? Are you particularly good at taking care of everything and yourself? If so, got any tips? 

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? 


Here are the rules… 

Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post.
No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
Link up your post.
Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Bilingual Children

My 4 yr old, the Chatterbox, has declared his love for the Portuguese language. I initially thought that it was a good thing seeing that he had left his "native" language and has favored English since 3.

Well times are a changing because he also declared that he does not want to speak English anymore. It was adorable to see him assert himself like that. But like a true Mother looking out for his best interest, I became the first woman to stomp on his dreams.

At least I was kind enough to explain. I told him that he would forget his English. I reminded him that Grandma and Poppi, as well as Uncles Pat, Terry, and Jeremy do not speak Portuguese. He relented but was positive that he would not forget English. It is such a simple language. I think all my past English students felt a tickle up their spines at that very moment.

His reasoning was that Portuguese has MUCH better words! It is so much more fun to speak in Portuguese. I really can appreciate that. Portuguese is a very colorful language. I'm also glad that him and his Brother won't have my late in life experience in learning this "colorful" language. You see, Portuguese has a lot of great words, conjugations, and expressions. It is especially fun to talk shit with. Of course, to learn it in your 20s makes it less fun and more of a bitch.

Actually, more like being bitch slapped by some evil bitch. Yes, that was my first impression of the language. Thankfully we have gotten to know each other better, gone out for a couple of drinks, enjoyed a few bases, and now are on speaking terms.

Of course, we must remember, this is Portuguese. That Ho could turn on me at any moment! I'm starting to understand why Chatterbox is throwing her a bone.
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This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
Link up your post below.
Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Weight

Today I read Fadra's Stream of Conscientiousness post and it hit a cord. It was about feeling fat, gaining weight, and what that means to us individually. Actually, she felt the need to defend her fatness.

In her defense she is petite and gaining 10 pounds to her is one thing, to me it's another. I am not petite. I am quite tall as a matter of fact. I can gain 10 pounds gracefully to all those around me. To me I see it in my ass, stomach, and everywhere else we women see our weight gain.

But that isn't my point. My point is that I am 20 pounds over my "ideal" weight. That translates to my pre-babies weight. I put a lot of weight on with both boys and can't naturally return to the weight of my early 20s without a rigorous diet and exercise.

I actually tried to do those two thing. I even kept a food diary. I felt the need to be what I was. The thing is, I'm nowhere close to what I was physically, mentally, or emotionally. Why should my weight be the same thing?

For me it came down to what is attractive. I thought I was more attractive before. I mean, someone once told me I was model sexy. Of course a close friend also told me I was near scary skinny. I guess perception is a big key.

Something simple happened though one evening with friends. I ran into an old Brazilian friend who I used to hang out with pre-kiddos. I made a comment about the changed body. She replied without thinking "You had no body then." Of course she back peddled and I stopped her. I didn't have a body. I was a hanger for clothing.

I am skinny. It's the genetic gene pool that I am swimming in. I will never fill in a cleavage shirt. I can't pull off booty shorts as no matter what weight I gain I have no freaking booty. And I will always be taller than half of the Brazilian male population that is older than me. There just isn't much I can do about that.

Here's the thing though, I don't care anymore. At this point, I almost feel sorry for the younger group. You see, when you get past 30s and meet a slightly (slightly) more mature crowd, body starts to even out with other qualities. That and womanliness isn't such a bad thing.

So for now I will enjoy my more open hips, fuller legs, and softer stomach. I look like a healthy woman who has brought life into this world. Call me an old lady romantic but I can't think of anything sexier! If you can, thank goodness you aren't the person I'm sharing my bed with!
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This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
Link up your post below.
Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.