Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Weight

Today I read Fadra's Stream of Conscientiousness post and it hit a cord. It was about feeling fat, gaining weight, and what that means to us individually. Actually, she felt the need to defend her fatness.

In her defense she is petite and gaining 10 pounds to her is one thing, to me it's another. I am not petite. I am quite tall as a matter of fact. I can gain 10 pounds gracefully to all those around me. To me I see it in my ass, stomach, and everywhere else we women see our weight gain.

But that isn't my point. My point is that I am 20 pounds over my "ideal" weight. That translates to my pre-babies weight. I put a lot of weight on with both boys and can't naturally return to the weight of my early 20s without a rigorous diet and exercise.

I actually tried to do those two thing. I even kept a food diary. I felt the need to be what I was. The thing is, I'm nowhere close to what I was physically, mentally, or emotionally. Why should my weight be the same thing?

For me it came down to what is attractive. I thought I was more attractive before. I mean, someone once told me I was model sexy. Of course a close friend also told me I was near scary skinny. I guess perception is a big key.

Something simple happened though one evening with friends. I ran into an old Brazilian friend who I used to hang out with pre-kiddos. I made a comment about the changed body. She replied without thinking "You had no body then." Of course she back peddled and I stopped her. I didn't have a body. I was a hanger for clothing.

I am skinny. It's the genetic gene pool that I am swimming in. I will never fill in a cleavage shirt. I can't pull off booty shorts as no matter what weight I gain I have no freaking booty. And I will always be taller than half of the Brazilian male population that is older than me. There just isn't much I can do about that.

Here's the thing though, I don't care anymore. At this point, I almost feel sorry for the younger group. You see, when you get past 30s and meet a slightly (slightly) more mature crowd, body starts to even out with other qualities. That and womanliness isn't such a bad thing.

So for now I will enjoy my more open hips, fuller legs, and softer stomach. I look like a healthy woman who has brought life into this world. Call me an old lady romantic but I can't think of anything sexier! If you can, thank goodness you aren't the person I'm sharing my bed with!
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This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
Link up your post below.
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I need your help! What Should I do?

I have hit the last 13 or so days of my vacation home and my guesstimate weight gain total is about 25 lbs (11.4 kilos).

Houston, we have a problem.

I'm no ok with this. I'm fine with some weight fluctuation but it's not ok to be a little disgusted of yourself in the mirror.  Hey, in my defense, I didn't know I was this vain either.

The thing is, I went head first into food upon my arrival. I had no idea that my metabolism had gotten the memo that I had turned 30 and had given birth to two babies.  There you go underestimating... or overestimating, your body again Rachel.

And while I'm doing "The Firm" videos quasi daily, which I am as embarrassed to admit as you are to read, it is not working.  Sadly, my DVD did not come with a lipo vacuum attachment.  Now that would help you firm, not the side step and the samba for 40 minutes.

Oh the insanity of it all. I'd be fine if I were staying here where the season allows for Moo Moo sweaters to be cool under the right circumstance, but I'm not.  I'm going home to Rio de Janeiro where I will have to wear a bikini.  I think my stomach is going to eat it... God forbid, maybe even my ass.

So what to do?

That is where you guys come in! In my full dramatic way, I want you to decide what to do and I want you to be honest with me. None of this, oh I'm sure you look great load of crap.  What would you do if you were feeling like I do now?

The options I give are:

1.  Say Fuck it, pardon my French.  I'm already screwed might as well eat as much as possible, even though I don't really want to eat that much at this point because I have been eating as much as possible.  Phewww, long one.

2.  Keep up the 80s video jazzercise and eat a smidgen better.  Upon arriving home, good diet and an active lifestyle will make your body return eventually.  Maybe once the boys are back in school, you can even join pilates once again.  FYI: this is very balanced, sound, and middle ground. I am none of the above. I am rash, irrational, and indecisive. I don't know if I can stick to this one, no matter how sane it may be.

3.  Do the Master Cleanse, but for 7 days max... maybe just 5.  Yes, I'm a gluten for punishment but seriously, not looking forward to this one. The weird potion you drink, no food, and all that.  Makes me nervous.  And I know I will gain back the majority that I lose. But I will say, the 3 days I managed to do the other cleanse gave me a great jump start.  I figure, if I can get the extra frontal baggage off, at least 50%, I can do the other half sanely.

4.  Spontaneously thought of idea by you.  This is the thing that popped into your head while reading 1 through 3.

Now, I know you think I've made up my mind but, once again, refer to the second to last sentence of option 2.  Indecisive to the core.

So you tell me, honestly, if you were me, what would you do? You are a bit out of control right now with your eating, you are not craving any food from here in particular at this point, you are a bit disgusted with the girth, and are totally irrational.

By the way, I also am aware that while I put on weight, it's not that big of a deal. I know I'm being a big poor sport about the whole thing. Just a little whine with my wine.  But seriously, I hate feeling this way about myself.  Such a little pity party and it's starting to get me down.

So, what's the verdict?

Watch out Popular Girls!

I've decided I'm not taking this winter/travel bulge lying down, sideways, or upside any longer!  It has gotten completely out of control.

That being said, I know you expats are rooting for me to enjoy my time here, including indulging in everything we people abroad miss.  And you know what, if this were a subject in High School, I'd be the freaking' Valedictorian!  Not exaggerating.  I look as if I'm 4 months along with my 4th child.  And for your information, I am not.  My Mother insists that it's impossible to gain weight so quickly and I must be ovulating in a freakish manner or something.

Have I mentioned I love my Mother?

Well, sadly, no 4 ovaries or anything in this body.  It comes down to consuming about 10,000 calories, 8,000 of which being fat and sugar, each day.  Combine this with lowering my calorie expenditure from... let's just say a lot to just about nothing.  Only so much you can burn hiding out from the cold.

I decided I needed to balance things out a bit.  That's when I found my Dad's old jump rope.  I used to be on the jump rope team in High school.  Wait, did I just write that out loud?  Well, it's true. I was obviously that popular.

Anyway, I'm going to start jumping rope! Actually, I already did. My parents have an unfinished, yet still heated, basement that we have been using as our "outdoor" facility.  Two days ago I started to jump rope in the evenings.

I lasted 10 minutes the first day.

I was too sore the second day.

I lasted 15 minutes the third day.

I'm really out of shape!

But I figure, slow and steady win the race in the child's book section, why not in the fat burning one? Oh, and I forgot to mention the walking lunges.  Yeah baby, this girl is going to have a firm, flat American ass when I get back to Rio.   And we all know they go super well with muffin tops.

Watch out popular girls, I'll be back to 3rd string understudy shape before you know it!

Hey Gisele, shhhhhhhhh

I really try not to hate Gisele Bundchen. This struggle started when I was an insecure little thing starting college.  There she was, the epitome of woman, walking runways all over the world and staring life in the face. I was jealous.

I got over my hatred of the super duper model.  Took some time but as I grew into myself, I could appreciate someone elses beauty without comparing.

And then she had to go and have a baby.  Ok, the initial annoyance with her was of no fault of her own.  It was my bad, my issues.  And now you ask? It's so her fault!

I'm happy for her that she had such an easy labor.. But then to talk to the newspapers like, 'of course I did! It's only childbirth, you just hop into your tub and pop out a baby.'  I'm just waiting for her to say she really doesn't make much money modeling but shits gold.

We'll let that slide though.  It's a good thing that a famous woman is so open about natural birth. She is doing society a favor by pushing natural and/or vaginal births. I say natural and/or vaginal because it has been brought to my attention that they are different things... I'm going to choose to hold my tongue on that one for now.

So good for Gisele! She's beautiful, rich, and had an easy natural labor.  She must have led a good past life!  But she really pissed me off when she talked about pregnancy weight. Here's her quote:


I did kung fu up until two weeks before Benjamin was born, and yoga three days a week. I think a lot of people get pregnant and decide they can turn into garbage disposals. I was mindful about what I ate, and I gained only 30 pounds.

I think I just threw up in my mouth. This is where I have to say Shut Up.  Pregnancy is not always simple. The last thing women need to do is worry about their weight. I'm not saying you should go and put on 40, 50, 60lbs. And she did put a healthy amount of weight on but the way she phrased it sucks.  The, I'm holier than thou, is hitting me in the face.  I have seen many woman worry about how much weight they are gaining in pregnancy enough that it could potentially hurt the baby.  Of course I've also seen the other side.

The point being, pregnancy weight is not about how you will look afterward. It's about gaining and eating well for the development of your baby!  I know a Vegan woman who stuck to her diet and gave birth to an over 9lb baby!  I ate a little bit of everything possible, gained 39 lbs, and had a 8lb 4 oz baby.  It's important what you eat. You should try to eat healthy but not because of the weight but because of the baby.  It's a balance between too much and too little, kind of like life.  It worries me that some poor girls out there are going to read Gisele's comments and stick to diets that are not in the best interest of their unborn child. 

Let's not even get into the difference of means. She stopped working to enjoy the special pregnancy period, had private exercise classes, and has pimp genetics!  Not pimp like you are my ho but pimp meaning awesome. I should have just said awesome...
 
Anyway, stop the woman on woman hate!  That also goes for Mommy on Mommy hate!  We have it hard enough, do we really need a millionaire supermodel telling us how to do pregnancy?  If I want to turn into a cow and then complain about it, that's my prerogative.  I did do it too, my second pregnancy.  I don't recommend it.  Gaining 49lbs is a bit much.

PS. Gisele, coming from a friend, shhhhhh. Just sit and look pretty. You come off like a bitch when you talk.