Husband for Sale

So I woke up this morning with an urge to sell my husband to gypsies. Actually, I was willing to trade him for a pair of cute but old shoes at that point.  And it was really over nothing huge or shocking. No one said anything inappropriate and nothing was thrown.

He was just freaking annoying! So freaking annoying this morning when we woke up that he's lucky I didn't have an old moldy sock to stuff in his mouth out of spite.

And the mood-breaker this morning was something I had been waiting for. I do give Mr. Rants props for holding it in for so long. But it finally escaped this morning. He busted out the 'I'm going to have the kids for 2 days alone!' whine.

For starters, he's not going to be alone. He's going to his Mother's house. He has her Mommy pants pressed and waiting to put on the moment my boys get out of the car.  He also has his father, brother, and sister-in-law.

Let's then go to the fact that I have the kids ALL the time! 24 hrs 7 days a week of kid and family fun for this Mommy. Heaven forbid I take a 2 day breather to actually have an identity of my own.

But you know, all this isn't completely responsible for annoying me.  Well, not all that much anyway.  I do have the kids all the time so we have a great routine. We are a well oiled 3 person machine.  Mr. Rant leaves for 10 days, or on business, and is missed but it doesn't rock the boat. Mommy gone is like paddling around hidden mines. Maybe not so dramatic but I can be self-important that way.

You see I was already annoyed when we went to bed because we had one of the famous battles of strength between my MIL and I, and she wasn't even aware of it.  My Dear Mr. Rant enjoys enforcing these things for her.  It went something like this:

Me: I don't want you guys to take the boys to that.
Him: I know but it won't be an issue.
Me: But it is an issue because it makes me nervous. Anyway, the boys don't enjoy it.
Him: I know they don't but my Mom really wants to go
Me: But Chatter box only whines to go home at these places and Clown tries to run away
Him: I know.
Me: So?
Him: *laugh* So I'll see what my Mother wants to do.
Me: *laugh* So maybe you should just start sleeping with your Mother if you are so concerned about what she thinks...

Ok, last sentence didn't bust out in that kind of smoothness but I wish it did. And don't get me wrong, I dig that son/mother love and everything. I have boys and I hope that my son takes my side occasionally. But not unquestionably.

There should be boundaries and Mr. Rant is in charge of setting those boundaries. No, they are not allowed to show up right at bedtime after a long day, or the middle of lunch, or for only 5 minutes so the kids cry when they don't stay to play.  No they can not give your kid ice cream at breakfast. It is our husbands' job to help their Mothers find these obvious but apparently elusive lines between absurd and tolerable.

Regardless, this is not going to happen. The son just does not feel the Mother is doing anything wrong, even if the wife disagrees. It's a 'not a big deal' situation. Even if all involved followed my simple 5 point plan, the force of the MIL and son are too strong.  There are some points of life that one can not battle.

And I'm ok with that. I don't even get that annoyed with the whole thing. A bit of ice cream with one breakfast, while it makes my stomach churn to think of it, will not kill anyone.  My issue is when Mr. Rant chooses sides.  I strongly believe that in a debate over the children/home, husbands should side with their wives and not their Mothers.

Personally, I hope my sons can one day say to me "Mom, I know you think that this is great but it's not really necessary/good/enjoyable for our children and/or my wife doesn't think it's a good idea"

I'll respond by saying "That whore is so annoying!"

Can I have my Meds, Pretty Please!

 I really need to start reading Brazilian papers.  At the very least, I need to listen to the radio.

I went to the pharmacy to buy some just in case antibiotics for my youngest's penis. Long story short, here's the blog post: To circumcise or not to circumcise.

The Pediatric Urologist gave me the name of an antibiotic and antibiotic cream to bring with us to the states, just in case the little penis once again blows up like a Puffer Fish.

Per normal, I went in with my list, the antibiotics and other items.  The pharmacist was collecting like a good little man when he mentioned he needed the px for the antibiotics. I laughed. Seriously, a good belly laugh. Right. I know you do but I don't have one so please, can you just get it for me anyway.

No.

What? Now I was just confused. It was cute at first but it was getting annoying. Well, turns out we are enforcing yet another law, prescriptions. Someone forgot to send me the memo.  I actually had to go to my kids' doctor and pick one up to go and get the "just in case" medicine. The guy wouldn't even sell me the cream. I get that it's all about controlling antibiotics but seriously, the cream?  It's R$40 for a tube the size of travel toothpaste. And it's for skin infections. I seriously doubt anyone is getting off on buying this stuff and lubing up their whole body.

Then again, people are crazy.

I'm starting to get nervous. Next thing you know, we'll be getting tickets for j walking. Popcorn and churro vendors with have to have... gasp... permits!  And I will leave this country the day they outlaw drinking on the streets. That is where I draw the line. That and public urination. No no, line drawn after public urination and before drinking on the street. 

I'm all about the development of Brazil.  You go you rock stars!  But I do have an issue with it turning into the US. I would like that it not do that please.

But really, truly, madly and deeply, let's keep some perspective.  Fresh corn on the cob sold from a vendor on the street = good! Random guy selling soda and water out of a Styrofoam box, also good. Creepy old dude selling snacks at the park is super good. Hey, I have to carry around enough crap, you also want me to bring snacks? 

So let's not get too out of hand with this whole "control" thing. It's an evil drug that can take a country over.  And if you start getting petty with legislation, I'm going to get petty too.  You know, like stop focusing on j walking and maybe make it illegal for children under 17 to be out of school. Mandatory education for all kids, and that would require you to build enough schools and have enough teachers. Who's getting annoying now?

Cranky in Rio de Janeiro

I am cranky.  I blame 98% the adaptation process at my kids' school and 2% the rain. 

I just hate this entire process. I get it, let's not traumatize the kiddies.  Hell, let's not traumatize the teachers either.  Fair enough. But how long is this going to last? I feel like I'm giving birth to a toddler over there and all the doctors are just sitting around watching. No one is saying if I'm crowning or offering me the ever important drugs! 

It's such a tedious process! Today was the second day.  Ok, I'm a bit dramatic to be bitching the second day but let's face it, I'm a bit dramatic.  We stayed from 1pm to 4pm. Yesterday was 1pm to 3pm.  So we improved our time.  On the other hand, Rafa was a royal pain in the buttocks today. He fell twice and you would have thought someone had beat him with a hammer with the fit he threw. And he didn't even fall hard. He was just testing the water. 

Do I really have to see that? I'm not supposed to interject.  I'm not supposed to do anything, even when I notice that they didn't see my kid running off. I'm really starting to get worried about leaving him there. The teachers seem far more concerned with their gossip than helping my kid not eat shit when he gets off the rocking horse that is far too big for a little guy. 

I feel like we need to just rip that band aid right off.  Let it sting but it'll only last a minute.  I was willing to go with the flow this time, even if it's contrary to what I think. (I did not go with the flow with my oldest.) That was until I spoke with the teacher. 

I asked the teacher what the plan was for tomorrow. We're supposed to stay the full class. Holy crap, if only I  had a Valium to pop in order to endure 4.5 hours of this.  Uggggg.  But fine. That I can do.  I'm also going to disappear for a period of time and wait in the parent adaptation waiting area.

Here's what I can't... no no, won't do.  They were saying that I will wait on the sofas and then go in and check on him, leave, and then go back and check on him, then leave, etc etc. 

What the hell is that?  Hey honey, I'm back. No no, just kidding I'm gone.  No no, just kidding, I'm back!  Opa, nope, gone again.  Talk about a tease! 

I will not do it.  My kid is going to attack me like fat kid does a donut.  And then I'm going to be expected to rip him off me and leave him.  Actually, I'm guessing they'll say I have to do the whole process for another week. 

It's like freakin' groundhog day!  Don't let the baby see it's shadow or it's 6 more weeks of adaptation! 

I swear, you know the physiologist, the coordinator, and the teachers all get together for beers after class and laugh at us parents. Let's see if we can get them to stay the entire month, pay, and then do our jobs. Bwahahaha.