Women, Media, and Power... or lack there of

A friend of mine posted this video on her Facebook and I immediately felt the need to share it with you. What do you think about media and the social perceptions of women? Did you feel pressure growing up and do you think that girls these days feel it even more?

Personally I think that Brazil has the same issue and then some. Hell, 4 yr old girls at my sons' school bring in make up to play with. 4 yr olds with make up at school?!

Your thoughts?

Parent Connections Save the Day

Yesterday a member of the staff at my sons' school ended up at a public hospital. The problem, chronic obstructive pulmonary disability. 

He was in horrible condition and needed to be transferred to a hospital with an ICU. Bureaucracy in Brazil is not very friendly in times of emergency as speed is not in it's dictionary.  

That's where community came in. The school sent out a mass email to parents of children in the school as well as a message on the school's facebook page. It asked that if anyone could help, please contact the school. 

You see, sometimes all that is keeping someone from getting to where they need to be is a signature of the head doctor who is out of the office. Something as simple as that can keep a patient from getting specialized care.

Turns out that there are some people who know someone, or know someone who knows someone because it was taken care of. The message was sent yesterday just before 1pm. With a little help from our own school community, he was transferred at 5pm the same day. 

It just goes to show the idiocracy of the public medical system (although still better than no system at all USA), and how much a community can help.  

As for his current condition, we have no news as of yet. Visiting hours have just ended and his family should be letting everyone know shortly. 

It's All in a Name

I dare you, go to your local daycare and look at their list of students. Ok, don't do that. You'll look creepy. But as a Mom, I got the inside scoop today while walking the slow path of my youngest's re-adaptation to school.

I was bored out of my mind waiting around so I checked out the class lists posted on the bulletin board in the parent waiting area.  I was astonished by the names. Seriously they have like 4 or 5 of them.

My first thought was how do the parents think of 2 first names!? I had a hell of a time coming up with one.  So you have little João Pedro and cutie Maria Victoria, among many others.  Adorable names.  Really, I am just amazed by the mad name combination skills of the parents here. Gold star.

That's where thought number 2 comes in. I always have a thought #2, don't I.

Anyway, how are they ever going to learn to spell their name? João is a tough enough for a 4 year old. I mean, the accent mark is enough to confuse the smartest of preschoolers. Hell, they can't even do an S, imagine making them do a discrete scribble above a letter. Now add in a second word all together. And go.  

I know you all think I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. Of course I am. It's what I do best and what my husband loves the most about me. Maybe not the last part.  But just wait for it.  Wait for it.

Add in the last name.

Poor little João not only has to write João Pedro but also has to include Cavalcanti Pereira Silva de Olivera.

João Pedro Cavalcanti Pereira Silva de Olivera.

That's just mean.  You have to have a 5th Grade reading level to master that kind of name! And while that name was a fabulous creation out of my own mind (thank you thank you), the names really are that long.

Hell, you can spot my children's names from a mile away due to the shortness.  Personally, I don't want to be little João Pedro when he goes for a year abroad and tries to get a US drivers license.  We just don't have that kind of space available on our paperwork.

If I had a last name like Cavalcanti Pereira Silva de Olivera, I would name my kid Jay or Joe. Maybe Jose or Yuri. You know, something to lighten up the thing. There's really no need to give them a second first name to cover the Great Grandfather when we see it in the last.

Of course Brazilians are a sentimental people.  They love their families, their names, and mostly their children. They want to honor the elderly they adore by including their name in their childrens'.  That's awesome and I love it.

So their children will bear the burden of that love and then, quite possibly, pass it down to their children. The best part, most hilarious part in my opinion, is that they don't even notice. The double name is all the rage. You know who complains or says something about it, my son with the simple first name. 

Go figure.

What's Your School Uniform?

 School/daycare in Rio de Janeiro took some getting used to.   Not the system or teachers but the bathing. 

I really didn't know how to handle it when I found out that the daycare my 1 year old was in was giving him a bath every day. I was like, say what?! 

It went something like this:

Rants "Why do you need to bath him?"
School "It's hot and they are sweaty."
Rants "So, I'll bath him when he gets home. It's weird"
School "Why is it weird?"
Rants "How do I know someone isn't doing something they shouldn't"
School "What are you talking about"
Rants "I'm talking about with my child! In a bath!"
School "What's wrong with you, you sick bastard?!"

The weirdest part of the whole conversation was that it all happened inside my head.  I never actually confronted the school. They bathed each and every child after lunch and before nap.  Everyone under the sun, including the parking guy if anyone asked, considered it a given. 

Crazy American Mom not bathing her child 3 times a day, especially before nap and bedtime... and after the park, after eating a messy meal, and we can't forget before seeing Grandma.

Now this boy is older and in a proper school. Guess what, they run around in their underwear when it starts getting hot here. That or their speedo which is basically the same thing. The littler girls also run around in underwear and the bigger ones in bikinis. This goes up through 1st and 2nd grade.  Maybe a little higher.

And you know what, I think it rocks. It is hotter than hell. Why shouldn't my kid be able to play outside in as little as possible, all bits covered of course. My youngest, in the infant 1 class, does get a bath on particularly messy or sweaty days.  They also let the kids up to 4 years old spend 30 min in the "aquatic park" aka 2 blow up pools and a hose. 

It took some getting used, I must say.  Initially, the idea of my kid running around his school in his underwear or in just his shorts (no shirt) seemed wrong.  Why are you taking off his clothes!

But that's the thing, they aren't taking off their clothes to take off their clothes.  They are letting the kids be more comfortable.  That and Brazilians have a HUGE obsession with bathing, especially in the summer. Any good school would help the younger ones stay clean and feel more comfortable.  The older kids can fend for themselves.

Plus kids, especially small ones, are treated like Deities. I really wouldn't be that surprised if I found my youngest's class of 1 year olds sitting on grape leaves being spoon fed jello.  And of course there would be someone fanning them.  Duh.

You melt here. It literally gets uncomfortable to just be.  It would be a crime of Brazilian nature to let a child feel that way. And heaven forbid one stays dirty.

My Bank Hates Me

Now, not only are my Mother, 4th grade teacher, English students, and my husband complaining about my penmanship, it's also my bank.

Apparently, our bank has informed my husband that they will no longer be accepting checks written by me because my signature is too inconsistent.  I'm all about bank safety but this is just ridiculous.  I guess my signature has been straying and straying from the one they have on file to the point that it's not recognizable.

And that is what gets me here. Signatures are SUPER DUPER important in Brazil and they have to be perfect every time.  I practically get stage fright every time I hold a pen.  I have to pump myself up, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!  And sign!

Alright, there is a reason.  There's a lot of theft here and they do, as far as I know, have far less incidences of identity theft in Brazil.  Could you imagine stealing someone's identity here?! It would be hard core. You'd need finger prints, knowledge of their official signature, friends to vouch for any official signature with their registered official signature.  You'd need their CPF (Brazilian version of SS #) and ID, and your first born child as an offering to the Cartorio Gods.

It's not just signatures either. Heaven forbid you misspell a word on a check. Throw it in the trash! No little scribble and re-write.  Trust me, I know. My kids' school has to call me about 50% of the time to come in and re-write tuition checks for some little reason or another. Rachel, there is no U in dois.  Rachel, Rio de Janeiro goes before the date.  Rachel, you tried to only pay us R$2,00. I swear that last one was a mistake.

It's all a bit overwhelming for this girl.  Hell, I used to sign my credit card recipes with different celebrity names just to prove that my US credit card didn't check signatures.  And, you know what, they didn't!  Bob Hope, Jackie O, and Bill Clinton have used my card, just to name a few.

So I guess I'm off to the bank to double check what the official signature is. I'm ADD when it comes to signature.  They change on an hourly basis and basically consist of different levels of scribbles.  Maybe they'll let me do an X, it'll just make all our lives easier.

When I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong

So you all have been listening to me bitch about my kid's adaptation process at school.  I decided to go with the flow and it seems to be paying off!

Who'd have thought that a school who regularly adapts children into it's system would know more about it than I do?  I certainly didn't. 

In my defense, they adjusted their approach slightly because of my concern and, at the risk of jinxing myself, it's working. 

I left my kid alone for an entire hour today! I only came back because I wanted news.  To clarify coming back, I was sitting in the office so he wouldn't see me. Sounds boring but I got an entire hour to myself to read an American fashion magazine a friend just handed down to me. It was wonderful!  But they really do need to start serving cocktails in the school office.  At the very least, give a girl a coffee. 

Anyway, there was no crying.  Who'd have thought you could manage to adjust your kid to school without tears... except for my kids' school that is (and the majority of Carioca school for that matter).

I went back after an hour and then my husband came in to give me that last couple hours off. Gold star Daniel! 

Maybe I will be able to go to my Wednesday class without that I-left-my-sobbing-kid-at-school guilt.  Sweet!

Moral of the story,  I don't love the method or particularly recommend it but it does work!  Great for those parents who breastfeed until their kids are 27 years old and have them in a carrier until 30!  Not that I judge.

Let me tell you how I feel... if I can

 Today is a day I wish I were truly fluent.  The real fluent, like I fell out of my Mom's va ja ja speaking this language too. 

I wish I spoke that way because I had to speak to teachers and am going to have to speak to the school psychologist about this damn adaptation nightmare I'm living at the moment.  It's hard to not come off as overly sensitive or not sensitive at all.

For starters, we English speakers are more blunt by nature than Brazilians. We can say things in Portuguese that are equivalent to shooting a loaded gun.  When we overcompensate, we sound whiny. 

Now add to that being stressed and tired. It's not a great combo for getting your controversial point across.  And, in Brazil, saying your kids can tough it out is totally controversial. 

If only I could express that it's not that I don't feel my kids angst. It's the opposite actually. I feel their way is tormenting my little one more than it should.  Blame it on Mom. I'm all snuggles and kisses until it means business, and then I mean business. This fluffy manner to business is not something my kids get.  This, let me explain to your 18 month old how he is feeling, is not my way. He's a toddler for goodness sake. You spell it out for them in a caring manner and you are firm when you need to be firm. 

But what can you do?  Maybe...

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Ok, so I started this post then went to pick up my oldest. I tried to talk to the psychologist but she wouldn't talk to me about it in front of my 18 month old because he knows what we are talking about. 

I asked her if she was serious. She was. There's really no point in talking to her now.  She's crazy!  She told me he can feel my conflicting feelings.  I responded by saying that he must really feel like crap after today because I was full of conflicting feelings.  Obviously I went the non-whiny more bitchy way.

The rest went kind of like this:
Her: "Can you come meet me alone to talk?"
Me: "Not really.  When my kids are not here, they are with me."
Her: "Not even for a half hour"
Me: "Nope. That'd be the reason why my 18 month old is starting school"

Hello! 

We're going to talk when I'm there tomorrow. She'll visit and sit with me in the classroom.  In her and the school's defense, I managed to skip out on the adaptation meetings with both kids. I'm really not that into meetings. Slacker you ask.  Yes. 100% slacker when it comes to everything that isn't taking direct care of my kids, and sometimes even then. Case in point, nuggets for dinner tonight. 

Cranky in Rio de Janeiro

I am cranky.  I blame 98% the adaptation process at my kids' school and 2% the rain. 

I just hate this entire process. I get it, let's not traumatize the kiddies.  Hell, let's not traumatize the teachers either.  Fair enough. But how long is this going to last? I feel like I'm giving birth to a toddler over there and all the doctors are just sitting around watching. No one is saying if I'm crowning or offering me the ever important drugs! 

It's such a tedious process! Today was the second day.  Ok, I'm a bit dramatic to be bitching the second day but let's face it, I'm a bit dramatic.  We stayed from 1pm to 4pm. Yesterday was 1pm to 3pm.  So we improved our time.  On the other hand, Rafa was a royal pain in the buttocks today. He fell twice and you would have thought someone had beat him with a hammer with the fit he threw. And he didn't even fall hard. He was just testing the water. 

Do I really have to see that? I'm not supposed to interject.  I'm not supposed to do anything, even when I notice that they didn't see my kid running off. I'm really starting to get worried about leaving him there. The teachers seem far more concerned with their gossip than helping my kid not eat shit when he gets off the rocking horse that is far too big for a little guy. 

I feel like we need to just rip that band aid right off.  Let it sting but it'll only last a minute.  I was willing to go with the flow this time, even if it's contrary to what I think. (I did not go with the flow with my oldest.) That was until I spoke with the teacher. 

I asked the teacher what the plan was for tomorrow. We're supposed to stay the full class. Holy crap, if only I  had a Valium to pop in order to endure 4.5 hours of this.  Uggggg.  But fine. That I can do.  I'm also going to disappear for a period of time and wait in the parent adaptation waiting area.

Here's what I can't... no no, won't do.  They were saying that I will wait on the sofas and then go in and check on him, leave, and then go back and check on him, then leave, etc etc. 

What the hell is that?  Hey honey, I'm back. No no, just kidding I'm gone.  No no, just kidding, I'm back!  Opa, nope, gone again.  Talk about a tease! 

I will not do it.  My kid is going to attack me like fat kid does a donut.  And then I'm going to be expected to rip him off me and leave him.  Actually, I'm guessing they'll say I have to do the whole process for another week. 

It's like freakin' groundhog day!  Don't let the baby see it's shadow or it's 6 more weeks of adaptation! 

I swear, you know the physiologist, the coordinator, and the teachers all get together for beers after class and laugh at us parents. Let's see if we can get them to stay the entire month, pay, and then do our jobs. Bwahahaha. 

Herding Cats

Adaptação/Adaptation.  That is my life, at least for this week.  My youngest, 18 months, is starting school.  Cheers and Amens all around people! Momma is going to have some free time!  Woo Hoo! 

So let me explain "school" for 1 year olds. My son is in group 1, or Groupo 1 in Portuguese.  They have their little classroom and special classes. Today was aula de corpo (body class). It's like a fancy gym class where an expensive private teacher comes and teaches our 1 and 2 year olds how to tumble.  What it really looked like was an expensive teacher talking to children like adults while our kids ran around like lunatics.  But everyone had a good time and that's what matters.

They also rotate activities about every 20 minutes to half hour, going from the class room to the patio to the art room, etc.  That's where it gets entertaining.

How do 2 or 3 adults transport 12 one and two year olds from one place to another? 

If I had to describe it, I would call it the herding cats method.  Have you ever herded cats?  Probably not. You'd have to be insane to do it. That just confirms my theory that all daycare teachers are slightly insane. 

Hey now, just because they're insane doesn't mean they aren't nice and that they can't take good care of our children. Just look at Grandma for heaven's sake.

Anyway, the kids meander around, here and there and everywhere.  Then you call them over and BAM they are gone, the opposite direction.  That's what a group of one year olds are like, herding cats.  

Of course, the vast majority of the group have been domesticated already. Rafa is such the little wild Tom Cat of the group. He had his first stand off with the teacher on his first day of school.  Made his Momma proud.

So I'll be spending the week hanging out at my kids' school. That means I sit there and try to look invisible. Very difficult considering I look like a giant to a 1 year old. 

It's not too bad though. I get a glimpse of what a day at school is like for my kids.  I would like it more if they'd give me snack.  Mom likes bananas too. Wait a minute, that sounded kind of dirty didn't it...