What is Cheating?

What is cheating to you?  Watching the Golden Globes, I started thinking.  Take Eva Longoria.  Rumor is that her husband had partaken in hundreds of suggestive texts with another woman.  Apparently, nothing more happened.

So would that do it for you?  Is texting cheating?  The line is a difficult one to define and yet very easy to cross these days.  Things like Twitter, Facebook, and such, give us plenty of avenues to dip toes into different waters.  Innocent emails can easily turn questionable and bump people into an interesting situation, to say the least.

I talked about my stance a bit in my post about how 70% of Brazilian men supposedly cheat (see post here.)  I'm kind of a don't-tell-me-and-live-with-the-guilt-or-I'll-have-to-leave-you kind of girl.  But it's hard to judge until in the situation. And this kind of thing, with the texting, chatting, and messengering, has to have a different approach. 

I personally believe in time outs, taking away of privileges such as tv and internet, and/or guilt tripping. Underlying rule, it must stop.  Wow, sounds like I'm a Mother of a toddler...

That being said, I haven't really been in this situation before. No questionable texting or anything.  I have gotten cranky on Mr. Rant's ass about Facebook friendships with unknown women.  It was nothing, so the story goes. Damn Mafia game.  I do buy it though.

I also believe it's a fine line and better to mind the gap in the first place, as they say on the metro.  Why risk falling in when there's so much safe ground to stand on?

But everyone is different, so I ask, where do you stand?  What is your deal breaker?  Texting? Carrier pigeons?  Morse code?

What would make you bitch slap your significant other and walk out that door?

Rio de Janeiro Carnaval 2011: Here We Come!

Carnaval is coming... Oh wait, it's already here. I know what you are thinking, Carnaval in Brazil is in March this year.

News flash, Carnaval is for like 5 weeks, not 1.  No, it's not official but is anything in Brazil ever official.  You see, Brazilians LOVE Carnaval so they start pre-partying weeks before.

Starting now, you will start seeing mini street blocos happening around Rio de Janeiro. There are also scheduled samba band practices that are more of a party then a rehearsal. And no, this is not just for the big samba schools your tour-guide friend loves taking people too.  The smaller bands have their own practices all over the city, and personally, those are the ones you really want to go to.

Anyway, if you aren't already partaking in the Carnaval Holiday Season, here are some things to remember about Carnaval:

1. If you are prude, stay home. There will be making out, sometimes more. Skin is everywhere and it's a-ok. Drinking is almost a must. Not a holiday for the born-again Christian.

2. You can always wear a costume. It does not matter if it's a costume bloco or not, crazy costumes are always welcome.

3. Men, if it's traditionally a cross-dressing bloco, cross-dress already! The Machismo men of Brazil go all out when it's socially ok to dress as women. Join the fun, women will still make out with you.

4. Blocos happen rain or shine.  Do not bring an umbrella.

5. They are arresting people for urinating on the street.  Crazy, huh.  You can urinate on the street any other time of the year but not when you are at a party with 300,000 people and there are only 2 port-a-potties.  Don't try to argue logic, just wait in line or hide behind a tree.

6. Condoms, condoms, and did I say condoms?  Wear them if you are getting it on. I don't care if it's with your wife. You don't know where anyone has been during carnaval!

7. Have fun! Take pictures! Don't get the camera stolen or it'll be hard to post said pictures onto Facebook.

8. Get your costumes now and avoid Saara at all cost the 2 weeks prior to Carnaval. It turns into craziness personified.

Good luck pre-carnaval partiers and to those prepping to come in March. It is always a good time so I don't see why it would be any different this year!

I need your help! What Should I do?

I have hit the last 13 or so days of my vacation home and my guesstimate weight gain total is about 25 lbs (11.4 kilos).

Houston, we have a problem.

I'm no ok with this. I'm fine with some weight fluctuation but it's not ok to be a little disgusted of yourself in the mirror.  Hey, in my defense, I didn't know I was this vain either.

The thing is, I went head first into food upon my arrival. I had no idea that my metabolism had gotten the memo that I had turned 30 and had given birth to two babies.  There you go underestimating... or overestimating, your body again Rachel.

And while I'm doing "The Firm" videos quasi daily, which I am as embarrassed to admit as you are to read, it is not working.  Sadly, my DVD did not come with a lipo vacuum attachment.  Now that would help you firm, not the side step and the samba for 40 minutes.

Oh the insanity of it all. I'd be fine if I were staying here where the season allows for Moo Moo sweaters to be cool under the right circumstance, but I'm not.  I'm going home to Rio de Janeiro where I will have to wear a bikini.  I think my stomach is going to eat it... God forbid, maybe even my ass.

So what to do?

That is where you guys come in! In my full dramatic way, I want you to decide what to do and I want you to be honest with me. None of this, oh I'm sure you look great load of crap.  What would you do if you were feeling like I do now?

The options I give are:

1.  Say Fuck it, pardon my French.  I'm already screwed might as well eat as much as possible, even though I don't really want to eat that much at this point because I have been eating as much as possible.  Phewww, long one.

2.  Keep up the 80s video jazzercise and eat a smidgen better.  Upon arriving home, good diet and an active lifestyle will make your body return eventually.  Maybe once the boys are back in school, you can even join pilates once again.  FYI: this is very balanced, sound, and middle ground. I am none of the above. I am rash, irrational, and indecisive. I don't know if I can stick to this one, no matter how sane it may be.

3.  Do the Master Cleanse, but for 7 days max... maybe just 5.  Yes, I'm a gluten for punishment but seriously, not looking forward to this one. The weird potion you drink, no food, and all that.  Makes me nervous.  And I know I will gain back the majority that I lose. But I will say, the 3 days I managed to do the other cleanse gave me a great jump start.  I figure, if I can get the extra frontal baggage off, at least 50%, I can do the other half sanely.

4.  Spontaneously thought of idea by you.  This is the thing that popped into your head while reading 1 through 3.

Now, I know you think I've made up my mind but, once again, refer to the second to last sentence of option 2.  Indecisive to the core.

So you tell me, honestly, if you were me, what would you do? You are a bit out of control right now with your eating, you are not craving any food from here in particular at this point, you are a bit disgusted with the girth, and are totally irrational.

By the way, I also am aware that while I put on weight, it's not that big of a deal. I know I'm being a big poor sport about the whole thing. Just a little whine with my wine.  But seriously, I hate feeling this way about myself.  Such a little pity party and it's starting to get me down.

So, what's the verdict?

The Tall and the Short of it: What's Sexy to You?

I've been wandering around the web looking at information on height. I have no idea what awoke this current curiosity. Then again, who knows why I wrote an entire post about penis size.  I guess the mind just wants the information it wants.

Anyway, I'm a fairly tall girl, about 5' 10" (1.78m), and I have only dated a man that was significantly taller than me on 1 occasion.  The second occasion does not count.  Seriously, 2 dates and I had to sneak in a shot to get me through the last one. Nothing to be posting about on my blog.

So, height isn't necessarily a trait I consider when deciding the level of attractiveness.  It just never has been.  Don't get me wrong, a tall-drink-of-water of a man does get almost automatic points for the aw factor.  Those 2 dates are proof of it.  But I'd never refuse to consider someone just because he was my height.

But it really is a thing for some of you out there. The idea of your man not being taller is unacceptable.  You just don't feel like a woman, or so I've heard from some friends.

And apparently it goes both ways, only the opposite.  Men like their ladies a little smaller than them.  While that sounds obvious, I can't really say I'm buying it.

In my experience, I get a lot of short men barking up these legs.  I don't know, maybe short men have larger balls, future post, and thus hit on women more openly.  Maybe I'm not as attractive from up high. Maybe I should pay more attention to how I part my hair.

Who knows, but I found a little ditty of a graph I liked. Heights men find more attractive:

5.41% (4) 17.57% (13) 55.41% (41) 21.62% (16) 6.76% (5) 1.35% (1) 0% (0) 12.16% (9) 4.05% (3) 1.35% (1) Significantly shorter than me Shorter than me A little shorter than me About my height A little taller than me Taller than me Significantly taller than me Don't usually pay much attention to height in this context Have never thought about it It's hard to say

Shocker.  Thank goodness I'm already married because my dating pool in Brazil just dropped to about 3 men.  Then again, I think a Brazilian man will do just about anyone.  Do not date... At least it's something.

And another shocker, we women have our preferences too:

0% (0)	0% (0)	1.01% (1)	12.12% (12)	37.37% (37)	46.46% (46)	10.1% (10)	11.11% (11)	8.08% (8)	1.01% (1)
Significantly shorter than me	Shorter than me	A little shorter than me	About my height	A little taller than me	Taller than me	Significantly taller than me	Don't usually pay much attention to height in this context	Have never thought about it	It's hard to say

In my personal statistical opinion, we ladies are still giving you men a little more wiggle room.  A little taller than me could be pulled off with a pair of Tom Cruise pump/loafers purchased at about any shoe store.  But to play fair, both sexes seem to prefer the obvious woman shorter than man, and not in a dramatic way.  

Personally, my husband is about my height, maybe an inch or so taller.  Of course, he counts that inch and I really don't care.  When I put my big girl shoes on, I win, so there. But it's not a contest, and I do find him very sexy at the exact height he is.  But out of curiosity... (you guys so saw this coming)  

Where do you stand?  How important is height for feeling the ZA ZA ZOOM?   

Time to go Home

It's time to go back home.  No, it's not because of the small town my parents moved to.  It's not due to the unusually cold weather.  It's not even because I'm bored. I'm not. Well, not enough to desire an overnight, international flight anyway.

The thing is, I miss it.  I miss home.  I say that phrase with caution because, in three words, it says so much.  Rio de Janeiro is my home. I may be American, but my heart no longer belongs on this soil for an extended period of time.

I used to have trouble saying we would never move back, even though I thought it wasn't likely. I couldn't hear that, even in my head.  These days, my head says it all the time, and it's not just economics.

Not only am I not on the same "life path" as most Americans, I don't agree with it anymore. I can't even watch the news without getting annoyed with our petty concerns.  I can't imagine how people in such a fortunate national situation can sit around and fight and bitch about such petty little things.  How can you use the reference of shooting someone because you disagree with legislation which, if you ask me, isn't even comparable to life or death .

Ok, now I'm getting into politics and that's not the point.  At the same time it is, I don't get the picking at each other. I don't get the hate. I don't get the overall pettiness to people's nature, the mine mine mine quality.  I have a hard time understanding the lack of patience for others and yet, I am completely lacking patience here.

I just don't like myself here anymore.  It's not a me I relate to.  And that is a problem.  I can't remember having more then one me.  It's uncomfortable, like two people trying to fit into the same jeans.

So where does that leave me?  I'm not 100% American at heart anymore and I'm not even 1% Brazilian.  Hell, I can't even say I'm totally fluent in Portuguese.  As I say to my English conversation students, the first goal is to be understood. Check.  The second is to perfect it.  I think I've passed the statue of limitations on that one.

Not so shockingly, the kicker is my kids.  With my first, I mourned the loss of my country, the fact that he would not grow up knowing the norms I knew.  Once I became a Mother twice over, that changed.  It became less about what I thought and wanted for my children and more about what is best for them.  Where do they thrive? What embodies my so-called requirements for their life?

Rio de Janeiro, as I can not speak of Brazil as a whole in this situation, is a conundrum, with something to learn and figure out at every corner.  My children will be raised knowing they are fortunate, at the same time not too fortunate.  They will see the blurred line between right and wrong, law and outlaw.  They will experience routine and lack there of.  They will be surrounded, constantly, like it or not by friends and family.

On top of it all, I've only raised my boys in Brazil.  All those things I thought I'd teach my children vanished with what I actually taught my children. The traditions I felt were lost were replaced with the traditions we made.  In the place of the home I missed grew a home I didn't know I had.

Anyway, it is really time to head back.  I will miss my family but I always do.  I will also miss my friends but that is just how it is.  Thankfully I have my friends and family in Rio who help fill the void of both.

To top it off, a little musical inspiration.  This song is the perfect description of what Rio de Janeiro feels like to me.  I can't explain it but it just feels like this song.

So here's a little Nando Reis for your viewing pleasure:

Oh Nando, sing me back home.  Let the charms of Brazil make me forget the amenities of the USA.  Let the churrasco fill the place of good high chairs in restaurants.  May the beautiful weather make me forget the affordable shopping.  And hopefully the quality ingredients will make me forget the luxury grocery items from here.   Then my transformation will be complete.