Wordless Wednesday: Mothers

Children of Double Nationality: Which are you?

I have two boys with double nationalities. While being raised in Brazil, they are very familiar with the US for their ages. What I find interesting is with what country these dual children choose to relate to.

My 4 year old is Brazilian. That is what he says all the time. Of course he is also American and enjoys the comfort of that country, but he has a definite preference for yellow and green. He is all about the heat, beach, pool, and beans. He will tell you he prefers to be in Brazil but misses American houses, playgrounds, candy, and Target. 

I promise you, I have shown him more of the US than that. We have done museums, Disneyland, and many other fun "American" things. 

But the boy is Brazilian. It's what he relates to.  And I know most of you will say it's because he's being raised here.  

I wonder though because he has one little friend, who is being raised in Rio, that seems more British than Brazilian. While in the same one Brazilian parent and one British parent scenario, he seems very proud to say that he is, in fact, British. 

He also so charmingly states why they are better than Americans. Got to love those 4 year olds. 

I believe we have a bit of both nature and nurture here. Maybe the British are more patriotic than us Americans. Maybe that little boy and his family have more contact with the Motherland of the parents. 

I wonder though, who decides? The kids? The location? The influence of the parents? Or is it an all of the above situation? 

What's your take on it? 

Alarm Backpack: Safety or a Bit Much

You have babies and then you want to protect them. It's so very natural. They are your little souls walking around the world.  And as a gringa in Rio de Janeiro, I really feel that.  I live in a great neighborhood and I know that this city is far safer than CNN would have you believe, but you still get nervous.

It's just a little different down here. We don't have the Amber alert system. Hell, we hardly have any kind of system like that in place at all.  It's almost as if Brazilian society is sittings somewhere in between ignorance is bliss and we have to do something.  And it's a shame because I've always loved this relaxed your-kids-are-safe-everywhere-here attitude.  Reality has a way of just biting everyone in the ass.

Then I saw this Alarm backpack. Your kid get snatched and they call pull an alarm.  And these backpack sellers really hit a core with parents.  They say, you put alarms on your buildings, why not your children? Robbery went down after alarms, why not kidnapping?

And initially, it sounds pretty damn good.  I mean, who wants their kid snatched. Not to mention, I bet a screaming backpack, attached to a screaming kid, would even get the attention of busy Cariocas.
But if you follow along these lines of safety, why not put a Lojack bracelet on their ankle.

On the other hand, while safety is important, how safe is your 4 year old going to feel being attached to an anti-kidnapping system. What kind of innocent childhood can they have always looking over their shoulder. Isn't it bad enough that we are. Hell, playgrounds are now padded to keep the scrapies away.  I'm surprised people aren't making their kids use helmets in pools!  Isn't it all getting a little out of control?

I've decided to go old school on safety. I'm going to get an ulcer worrying about my child and they will never know. I will hover in a semi-discrete manner. I will hide around corners when necessary. And I will not attach my 4 year old to a cordless leash.

Who am I kidding, I'm not a discrete hoverer by any  means!

It comes down to this: horrible things happen.  Our job is to protect our children from these horrible things.  But I have to take a step back when I feel that my protection methods are interfering with them actually living.

I don't think this backpack, a tracking devise, or melting my children to my legs so we can become one would help.  It's just a big old slippery slope of paranoia.  You need to be careful and conscientious. And I know that it does not always work with the world the way it is, the way it was, and the way it will be.  But I won't have my kids worrying about it. I think I worry about it enough for the both of us.

What would you do? Backpack or no? Do you think countries like Brazil, without the protective programs of the US, suffer from more child abductions? 

Who to Fly to Brazil, and in What Position

As packing for our return to Rio begins, I started thinking airlines. Oh, the airline you pick is as important as the condom people. There are some things you just shouldn't skimp on when it comes to quality.

Take American Airlines's from the US to Brazil and vise versa for instance.  It blows like your slutty stepsister.  I don't have enough room in my blog to explain my distaste for this airline.  I know they are the cheapest, but sometimes you have to spend a little more just based on principal.

Where does my hatred for AA come from?  Well, their service sucks, their seats suck, and basically everything sucks without anyone getting off. I just don't see the point in partaking in that kind of madness.

But the straw that broke this camel's back was on a flight back to Brazil from San Diego. I had a stop off in Houston and a layover. No biggie.  Once we got flying again, I popped my international-I-was-childless-and-could valium and was ready to float home.

Imagine my surprise when we started landing.  I thought, "Wow, Either Brazil has gotten closer or that was some damn good valium."

Nope, upon questioning I was informed that we were landing in Miami.  I told the stewardess that she must be wrong because I was not informed of this in San Diego when I checked in, nor did my old fashion envelope sized tickets say anything about an additional stop.

Oh, but didn't I know that it's American Airline's policy that they can add a stop if it is not a significant change.  I'll ask you, do you think my having to deboard and wait through an hour and a half layover was a significant change?  I sure do.

I was informed by customer service that they were in their rights to make that stop. I said "Dandy. And I am in my rights as a client to never fly you again."

Yeah so, I don't fly them.  I had always been miserable flying with them but didn't have a real reason to jump up to the next level. Well, the lack of apology did it folks. That's all it takes. A little, I'm sorry Rachel.  FYI American Airlines: Now it'd take 4 free tickets, international, thank you very much.  Call it inflation. Call it being an opportunist. I call it giving a second chance because I got free tickets. Hey, my heart ain't made of stone people.

But, back to reality.  If you are going to fly from the US to Brazil or vise versa, you should fly Continental.  I like them.  Of course it'll take like 2,000 trips to become elite.  That or I haven't gotten the special favors memo that shows you how to get bumped up more efficiently.  Not that I'm interested. Who's going to bump up a family with small children anyway?  That's why people pay to fly business and first.

Also keep in mind that United and Continental are sisters from other Misters these days. You can use miles and such and they work together. Pretty nice. This trip, we flew Continental from Rio to Houston and then United from Houston to DC.  Not too bad at all. Minus the 7 hr layover, but we saved like $1000 dollars. I can run around an airport with my kids for 7 hours if it saves me that much.

I also enjoy Delta. I find that Delta is good at giving more direct flights from the US into Rio. I know the stop in Sao Paulo isn't a big deal, but it's pretty sweet if you can avoid it.

And we must not forget Varig! I mourn the death of Varig. I'm telling you, they had super comfy seats, the flight attendants just rocked my world with kindness, and the plane was like an all night party.  It was Brazil in the air.  Not to mention, the food was better.  Oh well. You can't have it all, especially when executives are stealing from the company.

What airline do you prefer when you fly wherever it is you go?  

Breastfeeding: A Difference in Culture

So Americans are boob people right? That's the theory anyway. Personally, I think they are Boob looking at people, not touch and interaction. It explains both the fascination with fake ones and their fear of breastfeeding. Cause let's be honest, they never feel real and what's the big deal with feeding a baby?

I really can't understand the last one. My boys were popped out in Brazil.  I wasn't even allowed to bring a pacie into the public hospital my oldest was born in, much less a bottle.  Actually, I had nurses in regularly harassing me to breastfeed him more. Let that milk come in!  And oh did it ever.

Then came life. I had to leave the hospital and continue on with my life, baby and breast included.  And you know what, that baby and breast came out wherever and whenever they needed to. Every member of our circle of friends, family, and any bystander nearby when I was on a walk got an eyeful of boobage.

And you know what, it was no big deal!  Because, here's the shocker, it's not a big deal.  I actually had a harder time with the amount of comfort Brazilians feel with breastfeeding as opposed to the other side. I had family coming up to look and love on the baby while on my breast.  Awkward but apparently only for me.

Once my second came, I was practically pornographic with my breastfeeding.  I guess I got a little too comfortable, as my husband actually asked me to be a little more modest.  Obviously that set me off on a hormonal rage that was totally irrational and made my brother-in-law practically vow to never procreate.  To say I feel strongly about breastfeeding is like saying I like to eat.

At the same time, to each their own. I feel that there is nothing worse than a miserable Mother breastfeeding.  Energy, spirit, pheromones, whatever you believe, it passes to the mini-me.  It is a personal choice... one that Americans do not appreciate.

That's what I don't get.  Why we have to see every woman's ass crack from 10 yrs old to 50 but can't see a top of a breast is beyond me. At least the breast is being used for feeding. Unless you are stuffing hot dogs in that crack, I really don't need to see it.

So what's the big deal?! Does this country really have nothing to bitch about that we can be offended by a Mother feeding their child? Do we really find it disgusting and inappropriate?  If that is the case, this economy really needs to drop. The comfort level needs to fall to a new low. If the US has reached a point where something so maternal and natural can be deemed NC-17,  it is LOST.

I dear you breastfeeding haters out there, eat your lunch with a sheet over your head. Hell, half of you eat like starving mammoths.  I'd love to send you to a special room to feed. Hell, if I have to cover up my hungry child, I don't want to see your ass inhaling a super-sized meal.  Consider this a compromise.

Oops, got a little feisty there.  Like I said, I feel passionately about breastfeeding. There is nothing better than milk, a little boob, and a snuggle.  All you men agree, don't lie!

In this way, I have yet another reason to stay an expat, besides the fact that we really don't have another option.  It is a universal fact that breastfeeding is the best choice and not the easiest, even in an accepting culture.  Every time a woman pulls out her boob, it's a little bit of a "thing" for her, no matter how comfortable she is.  I prefer to surround myself with people who understand that.

I will accept Brazilians telling me to put socks on my child in 90 degree weather, informing me that my child is too fat or skinny, and saying that they really should be walking instead of in a stroller (at 18 months in a big city).  And I am happy to have a Grandmother ask me, as with my second, why they are taking a bottle at 8 months instead of the breast.  You know why, because they actually care.

Wow, mind blowing caring about other people besides yourself.

Children are a compromise and there is no romancing that.  Your job as a parent is to try your best to do your best for them.  Your job as a society is to support that.  I think we Americans forget that sometimes.

As for my regular readers, if you are wondering about this twist to the normal rants, as if there is a normal, it's because of Twitter. I follow a lot of Mommy Twitter Tweeters.  You can find my page at @rachelsrantings.  

Kids, Not for the faint-hearted

In the word of "Eat, Pray, Love*", children are like a tattoo on your face. You really have to be committed.


In my group of friends, I've always had a couple who don't want kids and I don't blame them. I don't like other people's kids... well, the majority anyway.  And that's actually gotten worse since having my own. 

Kids are not a hobby.  They are not an after school activity.  The literally suck the life out of you and, strangely enough, it's your pleasure to allow them.  You see, once you become a parent, you are mutated into a whole new breed of human.  You are never the same. 

What gets me here in Brazil is that not wanting kids isn't really acceptable.  If you are not immediately and directly argued with about it, it's only because they have decided you'll grow into wanting them eventually.  Of course if you have a Vagina you want kids!  Why else have one?! Well, I can give you a couple of reasons but this is a semi-family friendly blog. 

So let me climb up on my soapbox and give you my speech on it. It'll take a minute, I have two boys hanging off of my ankles.

Don't have kids if you don't know if you want them. You know if you want kids! And guess what, they aren't going anywhere... ever.  They wake up at night to tell you they farted.  They puke every single time you forget to bring extra clothes.  They will never eat their vegetables when your Mother-in-law is over and watching.  They learn the curse words you mumble after an argument with your husband and then tell their teacher that when Mommy is mad she calls Daddy ________.   And at least once in their life, they will crap on your floor.

Of course there is the other side.  They will hug you with their whole selves, body, spirit, and humor.  There's a real beauty in being the only thing that comforts an upset or sick child in the middle of the night.  You will smile all 300 times a day your toddler says monkey because it's the first real word they have mastered.  It's amazing to see them grow and develop. It's like sea monkeys without the smelly tank.  And if you keep the right mindset, you'll laugh more than you ever have in your life. These little people are hilarious, even when they crap on your floor.

So what are you, pro or against babies in your life?  Why or why not?

*FYI: I hated the movie and wasn't all that impressed with the book.

History Lesson

On my trip to Argentina, I was told the story of the Abuelas de Plaza de Mayo.  I plead American on this one because I had NO idea and do not remember ever learning about it in school.  And the story stuck with me.  I haven't been able to get it out of my head for days, thus this post.

In case you can plead as ignorant as I did, here's the summarized version.  During the gnarly Argentinian Dictatorship, the Argentinian government kidnapped pregnant women, or mothers and their very young babies, who were a part of the anti-dictatorship movement and killed them, giving their babies up for adoption to military families. 

The Grandmas, being fierce as only Grandmas can be, have been fighting to find their Grandchildren since 1977.  Some of these women were killed in the process to find the truth. They are searching for potential lost children and demanding DNA tests to prove their true paternity. 

Not surprisingly, some of these children (now in their early 30s) are resisting.  They either think they are the biological children of their parents or are protecting their adoptive parents, many of whom have said they saved them from certain death.   Some, obviously, just don't want the only family they know to be throw in jail. 

One of the big cases going on is against one of the richest women in the country.  There's a huge back and forth that the government is against her and that her children were adopted out of love in a time where you didn't question the government. Her children have given DNA samples and been harassed into giving more.  No testing have been done since the two sides can not agree on where to do them.  Here's the original article: Time Magazine

My question is, who do you think is right?  I agree that the people should be punished for stealing these children and the murder of their Mothers. Of course!  But are the Grandmothers thinking of the children when they rip apart the only family they know?  Is it the best thing to send the only parents they have to jail and shake up their world beyond repair?  On there hand, aren't the Grandmothers only trying to mend a world that was originally shaken up by the baby stealers in the first place?

As a Mother, I'm torn.  I would hate for my children to have to deal with the pain of such a tremendous revelation.  Regardless of the intent, it will sting.  At the same time, I would break my heart to not have them know the truth or their family.  To die in anonymity, without my own child knowing who carried them with so much love is a thought that just breaks my heart.  I think that's what the Grandmothers are trying to undo.  I will say, it's hard to stomach letting something so wrong go unpunished!

What do you think?  Do we let the past go or do we expose it?  

Here are some more interesting articles on the subject: Truth vs Right To Privacy: The Battle of the Abuelas

and

http://www.npr.org

Childhood Obesity hits Rio

I have been noticing larger and larger people in the streets of Rio de Janeiro.  No, I'm not talking tall people, I'm talking large, and it's not just adults.

I'm starting to think that childhood obesity is really becoming a problem in Brazil.  If I, an American, is noticing overweight children, it's definitely entered into the "Situation" category. 

Seriously though, it is.  The childhood population in this city seems to go between either normal/slightly skinny to quite large.  It's like the class system with a very small group in the middle. 
 
And apparently I'm not the only one who has noticed.  BBC News says, and I quote "the most startling figures come from Brazil, where childhood obesity has tripled over the last 20 years."

I can say that I have met at least 3 different families at my pediatrician's office who have their kid(s) on a diet because they are over weight.  The diet my pediatrician usually puts them on is, no more fried foods, no McDonalds (for example), more fruit, and take them to the park! 

It seems like common sense but I can see how the slippery slope could happen. For one, this is a culture where a lot is based around food. Saturdays and Sundays alone can be a dietary nightmare with family lunches that go on for hours and are full of fatty treats. 

At the same time, Rio de Janeiro alone is a wonderland full of outdoor activities to keep the entire family active.  Of course, as BBC says (since they are British and thus are obviously infallible): "The researchers comment that in the same period, Brazil's per capita gross domestic product has also tripled, and television use has greatly increased."

Oh TV, how you always bear the brunt of our bad behavior.  I will say though, TV is like alcohol, it takes balance and is highly addictive.  I love you both you bastards.  

And now food is right up there with them.  I will say, after procreating twice, my body just doesn't digest my fatty snacks the way it used to.  My body has turned into a squirrel storing nuts in his cheeks, only it's fat in my ass. 

Now, I have to actually... gasp uggg dear goodness, eat right AND work out on a regular basis.  I skip the fries and eat a salad.  Funny thing is, I actually prefer the salad now. I don't know what that detox did to me but it set me right in some way. 

Anyway, kids are the same. If you overfill them their ass will too turn into a panicked little squirrel hiding away nuts for a winter that never comes. Moderation and the ability give a firm NO you don't need a third box of McNuggets will do the trick. 

What do you think?  Childhood obesity a problem or overly concerned skinny people are ruining the world with their blabbering? 

Do I stay or Do I go now?

The strangest thing happened to me today, my English student proposed that I work for him.

Apparently, he´s looking for an executive secretary and asked me to name my price. Really? Name my price? $1 million dollars! 

Ok, I didn´t go that far.  I asked him what the hours were and he said that I didn´t answer the question. Well how am I going to answer the question if I don´t know anything about the job!

So I said R$5,000 a month.  Just fell out of my big old mouth.  He said could be.  Could be?  Is that before or after taxes? Can I ask for more?

But that is, seriously, a difficult question to answer. In my mind, he´s asking me how much life as I know it is worth? 

It´s priceless!  Of course I´d like to play with the idea and R$5,000 a month is nothing to scoff at.  But how could I part with my boys?  I can´t help but feel that the increased financial ease would calm a section of my and my husband´s brains but not benefit our kids.  It breaks my heart to think of them in school full time. 

Get a Nanny!  Oh I see how it is. Of course it would be cheaper than paying for full time school and they could, more or less, continue with life as normal.  But it wouldn´t be Mom. Call me an egomaniac but it would kill me to have someone else taking my kids to the park or helping them get dressed. 

I want to be here when they are sick. I want to be able to keep them home if they really don´t feel like going and I don´t have class. And I just really want to be around.

Of course I´m being all dramatic before I even have a job offer. It was just something put out there for consideration.  I mean, I don´t write well in Portuguese (which I mentioned) and I have no experience as an executive secretary.  Of course, that has never stopped me before.

And yes, my kids would be fine. Kids all over the world are at school/daycare while their parents work and they don´t have any more complexes than anyone else.  

The funniest part of all, I didn´t think he enjoyed our classes or liked me that much at all. Don´t get me wrong, we get along great but he always has something to say something.  You know what I mean?

Well, go figure.  Just when you think you might be slipping, you get a good review. 

Thoughts?

If you were only allowed to give your children one piece of advice, what would that be?

I´ve stumbled upon a thing called an Idea Bank.  It´s post ideas for bloggers.

For those of you out there that read but don´t blog, it´s sometimes hard to find posts. Well, not hard to find posts but hard to find ones that people actually want to read.  So I found this and have decided that I´m going to do one, right now!


This one struck a core:

If you were only allowed to give your children one piece of advice, what would that be?

I would tell him to be himself even if it hurt. That himself will change over time but said change is one of the few consistent things we have in our lives.  If he should change himself to fit in with those he considers worthy, he will only hurt more in the long run. It´s amazing how quickly you can die on the inside while thriving on the outside.  And that when the end comes, the real end, it is he, and only he, that will have to face the life that he lead. He will have to live with the guilt, hurt, or indifference he has caused.  He will have to face the things he did not want to face beforehand.  It is best to keep your head up from the beginning because it´s much harder to lift that chin after it´s already been pulled down.

I could continue but I feel I´ve already branched out when the questions says one piece of advice.

What would you tell your child/children?

10 favorite things about living in Rio

10. The weather. Sun, sun, and more sun.
9. There's always something somewhere to do
8. The parks: parque lage, Catete Palace, Aterro, etc.  Sure there may be some crazies but it's still a good place to visit.
7. Leme beach for kids
6. The scenery- Take a walk/run on Aterro or the beaches (Leblon, Ipanema, Copacabana). It's beautiful
5. The people - very sweet, sometimes crazy, always supportive and social
4. The food - enough said
3. The love of life, the love of living, the art of enjoying the life you are living. They have that down here
2. You never know when you'll run into live music. It may be at 8am in the park, noon in a plaza, midnight in the street.
1. The love and acceptance of children. You can truly take them anywhere in this city.